Crystyna: The Failed Mary Sue
by Aoms
Summary: Mary Sue has to send a Mary Sue to the Inuyasha world ASAP. But things go wrong... PWP, Oneshot. Review!


**A/N**: I'm tired of Mary Sues. And here's the result of my rants put together to form a oneshot and some semblance of a story. Hope it's good… review!

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Inuyasha, or any other various animes which might be mentioned.

oOo

**Reveal Your True Nature to Me! RELEA- KUSO SHIN'NE!**

oOo

Mary entered the room. This was no ordinary room; it was the room where new Mary Sues were made. A girl had been chosen, and she was supposed to send give her instructions on her behaviour in the Inuyasha world, where she was headed.

Mary looked down on her clipboard.

_Name:_ (it read)

_Crystyna_

_Type:_

_Mary Sue_

_Sub-type:_

_Modern Era_

_Blood percentage:_

_25 percent Neko Youkai  
20 percent Miko  
20 percent Fairy  
20 percent Human  
15 percent Inu Youkai  
05 percent Ookami Youkai  
05 percent Kitsune_

_World:_

_Inuyasha_

_Powers:_

_To be added_

Mary sighed. Incompetent fools. This form was not complete; but they needed to send a Mary Sue to Inuyasha world right now, and there was no time for proper training. The Mary Sue would have to improvise.

"Crystyna." She said with a commanding tone. The girl looked up, and there was no fear in her eyes. Mary smiled. Good. At least she knew that the girl had been brainwashed already.

Just then, alarms began to blare throughout the building. Mary was not unduly worried. It only meant that the Mary Sue was overdue. Without wasting another moment, she threw out her hands and golden beams shot out of it.

It hit the girl right in her chest, and she disappeared. Mary rubbed her head and went back to her quarters. She needed a rest. And some bishounen action coupled with tequila. This job was getting to her in her old age. True, she looked like a teenager, but she had been around for thousands of years, and it was taking its toll on her.

She smiled as she punched in the security code for the door to her quarter to open; she had heard that Yue could do some pretty neat stuff with his wings.

oOo

The Inuyasha group, which now consisted of Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Shippou, Miroku, Sesshoumaru and Kouga, stopped in surprise as a golden sphere formed right in front of them. Kagome and Sango screeched like six year olds. Inuyasha and Miroku ignored them, eyes riveted to the far more interesting scene in front of them.

It took a moment or two for the light to dissipate, and a girl was left behind as a by-product of the show. She straightened up and flashed them a brilliant smile. They looked back at her oddly. She was dressed in a tight blouse and a mini skirt, and countless weapons hung from various sheaths and holsters.

She was still baring her teeth at them, as though waiting for something, her smile shrinking tooth by tooth as nothing she seemed to expect happened. Finally, she strode over to Miroku and stuck out her butt. "Well?" she demanded, "Rub my ass already!"

Miroku glanced back at Sango, but she was busy convulsing with… no; it wasn't anger. He looked back at the butt which was presented to him. At last, he brought out a finger and poked it.

"HOW DARE YOU!" the girl burst out, and slapped him on the cheek. He seemed quite dazed, and the others looked on. "B – but… you…" he started to say, but the girl didn't let him. "YOU PERVERT!" she snapped at him.

She looked at Sango and Kagome expectantly with pinkish-purple eyes. They looked back at her, bewildered. This girl was weird, and that was an understatement.

Finally, Sesshoumaru turned his head away. "We are wasting time. We have to reach my castle soon for the… party." He said disgustedly, as if he was forced to say it, and started walking. The others shrugged and followed him.

The girl ran up to Sesshoumaru. "Wait!" she called out. He turned back and glared at her coldly. She stood her ground. Sesshoumaru sighed. "Spit it out, wench, and don't force me to squeeze your neck."

The girl looked at him expectantly as she had with Kagome and Sango. Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched. "You will have to stop doing that, wench. Soon, you won't have eyeballs to ogle at people with."

Kouga snickered quietly and the others except Kagome and Sango joined in. The girl glared them all silent and looked back at Sesshoumaru. "Well?" she said, "don't you sense my amazing powers and want to fight me?"

Sesshoumaru looked down at her. "Powers? What powers?" he asked her in a mocking tone. Surely this girl was delusional. He sensed no demonic or spiritual aura of any sort. This girl was plain human, not demon, not half-demon, and certainly not a miko.

The others started laughing quietly again. The girl didn't even bat an eyelid. "I have powers that far outstrip your own, Sesshoumaru, and I, Crystyna, challenge you to a fight." She said in a commanding tone.

Sesshoumaru's eyes glinted, and he turned away, continuing their walk on the path to his castle. The others followed him again. "I do not fight unnecessarily, wench. Go back to your hut and cook your radish. Leave us to our business." He muttered something else under his breath, but it wasn't heard by anyone.

Suddenly, Crystyna screamed loudly. A huge frog demon had materialised quite instantly in front of the group. Her screaming seemed to trigger something in the monster, and it swiped at Sango, Kagome and Miroku with its tongue. Even though Miroku was a powerful monk with enough power to flatten a fifty foot monster, Sango had several years of demon slaying experience behind her along with two weapons, and Kagome had the spiritual powers rivalling Kikyou's, (mysteriously) none of them were able to fight back.

In a flash, Crystyna was between the demons and the group. She reached down the front of her tight blouse and brought out a tiny sword. She held it out in front of her, and started to chant. "O Shikon Sword that holds the powers of darkness, I, Crystyna, command you to reveal your true nature to me! RELEASE!"

In the background, Kagome widened her eyes, and only four words escaped her lips as she stared at the Mary Sue in shock. "Card Captor Sakura rip-off…"

Crystyna, meanwhile, was looking quite foolish standing in the middle with a toy sword in her hand. She looked at it in disgust and threw it away, and instead she grabbed her golden bow, and aimed it at the demon. "DIE, RAAJA!" she screeched, and waited. Nothing happened. No arrow appeared. She let out a frustrated yell and threw that aside too.

Sesshoumaru had just about had enough of this. But it was amusing, in a pathetic kind of way. And this girl thought she was a _Mary Sue_? He made no move to attack. Kagome, who watched a bit of anime back in her time, gaped at the rip-off girl Crystyna, not believing the unimaginativeness.

The Mary Sue's next weapon was even sillier. She brought out a sword shaped launcher… of beyblades. "LET IIIIT RIIIIP!" and the pinkish-purple (which matched her eyes… _so_ cool!) beyblade hurtled through the air towards the patiently waiting demon. Somehow the silly beyblade managed to get itself lodged in the frog's throat, and that only served to agitate it more.

Crystyna wasn't out of weapons yet; oh no. This was just the horrific beginning of the blatant uncreativeness. She sat on the ground, muttering. "If only my guymelef was here… oh, the pinkish-purple coolness of it!"

Meanwhile, Inuyasha, Sango, Shippou, Kouga, Sesshoumaru and Miroku were sitting on various conveniently arranged rocks, enjoying her humiliation. It had been a while since a _Mary Sue_ was the brunt of the joke; and Kagome was rattling off the stories of all the animes Crystyna was ripping off.

They laughed when she asked the frog to dance the ballet with her; rolled around on the ground when she brought out a Pokéball supposedly containing a Mewtwo; slapped each other on their backs as she tried to take the demon out with her "seven deadly poisons"; split their sides when she tried to make her Angewomon plushie shoot Holy Arrows; knew it was her last resort when she flipped open a tiny laptop to help her cast spells.

Except that the computer was filled up with too much yaoi hentai to be of much use except to excite and then hang up. The wallpaper was of Emba standing in the fierce wind.

Finally, Miroku took some pity on the demon and slapped a sutra on Crystyna, paralysing her. The others (except Sesshoumaru) cheered him on, and the demon thanked him, continuing on its path to the "Ugly Demons' Convention (bring your own mucus)"

The group began to walk towards their destination again, but Kagome's kind heart decided to torture her. "Hey guys, isn't it unfair to let her just be there? I mean, she didn't harm us or anything, right?"

The others didn't have any good reason to counter her reason, so Miroku reluctantly released Crystyna from the binding spell, and she immediately walked ahead and stood in front of Sesshoumaru. He rolled his eyes, and sighed. "I do not want to do this," he muttered, but grudgingly widened his eyes two millimetres and exhaled, which was supposed to be a gasp.

"Oh. You are so powerful. We could have died without you. I believe I have feelings for you." Suddenly, Sesshoumaru shuddered uncharacteristically, and reached for the Toukijin. But it wasn't there. "Damn you," he muttered. "Damn you!"

Crystyna had stars in her eyes. She slowly stood up on tiptoes, and puckered her lips. Sesshoumaru stepped back. "Do not touch me, wench. I will rip off your face and sic it on Inuyasha. It will only be in all fairness for all the use you've been to me."

Crystyna's eyes shimmered with tears, and she ran towards Kouga. "Oh Kouga! Did you hear Sesshoumaru? He _so_ plans to kill me! That's not cool!" she wailed and clung on to him.

Kouga was far less tolerant. He hadn't had much experience with Mary Sues, but he had had enough. How could Sesshoumaru stand her? "Get away from me!" he yelled frantically, and swiped at her face with his claws. Crystyna shrieked loudly, and disappeared. Since her face had been scarred, she ceased to have perfect, flawless skin, and therefore ceased to be a Mary Sue.

Immediately, every one of the Inuyasha characters reverted back to their original personalities. Picking up his Toukijin which appeared in a flash of blue light, Sesshoumaru immediately summoned Ah-Un and flew away, having far more important things to do than fight with Inuyasha; Kouga had an argument or two with Inuyasha and after promising to make Kagome his woman, sped off; and the original group changed directions to head northeast.

It had not been pretty.

And it wouldn't stop.

That was the true horror.

oOo

**A/N**: That was pointless and meaningless… but… I had fun. But I can't say I'm satisfied yet… review, all!


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